


i can't tell you what happened (though i wish i could)

by MageOfCole



Series: Cole Does Whumptober 2020 [24]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Ahsoka Tano Whump, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Big Brother CT-7567 | Rex, Comfortember 2020, Dreams and Nightmares, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Force Visions, Forced Mutism, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Violence, Memories, Mute Ahsoka Tano, Muteness, Nightmares, Post-Episode: s03e17 Ghosts of Mortis, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27463570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MageOfCole/pseuds/MageOfCole
Summary: The Healers had concluded that her lost voice was psychological in root, that she had been traumatized by the War, but Ahsoka knows the truth. The Father hadn't wanted Ahsoka to share the possible Dark future she had seen, so he had made sure that she couldn't.(No. 24 - You're Not Making Any Sense)(No. 3 - Nightmare)
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano, The Daughter | Winged Goddess & Ahsoka Tano
Series: Cole Does Whumptober 2020 [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1949908
Comments: 20
Kudos: 154





	i can't tell you what happened (though i wish i could)

When she sleeps, Ahsoka dreams of death. She sees the world the Son wanted behind her closed eyes; the Jedi Temple on fire, the dead left to rot on the ground where they fell, and men in familiar, comforting armour suddenly turning on them and gunning down every Jedi in sight, no matter how young or old. She sees Jedi turning on each other to survive, or for power. She sees a ship going down in flames, a massive graveyard decorated by her markings. There’s a voice in her ears, speaking in an insidious whisper to _Execute Order 66_ , and she can hear the voices of millions crying out in harmony before a void of emptiness overtakes them. She sees Anakin across from her, hood drawn up and eyes burning yellow as he approaches a group of younglings who watch him with trusting eyes. She sees Anakin standing among fire, clad in black armour, a single eye glaring at her from the sizzling hole cut away from his helmet.

She sees the Father watching her, hears his parting words. She’d been unconscious when they’d left Mortis, but the Force being had been in her head like his Son and Daughter had before him. He had looked mournful.

“I’m sorry, my child.” The Father had said, voice oddly echoing, “This was never meant to be the life for you.” He sighed, moving forward to place a hand on top of Ahsoka’s head, the move paternal. No matter how much she tries to demand her dream-self move, to push the Father away, it always plays out how it had in real life. “But I cannot risk the balance of the galaxy for one child, no matter how much your Master wants me to. I cannot let you share what my Son so foolishly showed you.”

And as she always does, Ahsoka wakes up as fire burns through her veins. She shoots up in her bed, mouth open in a silent scream, but no sound escapes her lips; none had since Mortis.

The Father hadn’t wanted to risk Ahsoka telling anyone of the visions she had seen of that Dark future. He hadn’t wanted her to tell anyone about what the Son had showed her while he was in her head - hadn’t wanted him to tell Anakin of his possible fate, or the Council of the danger they were all in. She doesn’t want to believe any of it - it seems impossible to think of the clones turning on the Jedi, to be able to kill younglings and noncombatants in their home. She can’t imagine Rex shooting at her, or Cody turning on Master Obi-Wan. The idea of any of the men, who had so patiently allowed Initiates to hang off of them like little monkeys, killing them in their beds is impossible. The clones would rather die, and Ahsoka knows this with confidence.

She doesn’t want to believe her Master is capable of the things she had seen him do in the future the Son wanted. She doesn’t want to think him able of slaughtering the Jedi who were their family, doesn’t want to believe that he would ever Fall, but… but now that she’s seen it, she can’t unsee the possibility.

Ahsoka knows that Anakin was never the most stable of Jedi, that he was willing to throw so many things away with a single-minded determination to protect people. He had done it to Ahsoka, but he had also done it for her just as many times. Her crechemates had been furious when they had heard about the mission to rescue R2, though Ahsoka hadn’t understood at the time, not until they had told her that he was willing to let her and their men die and the mission fail for an astrodroid that he was… _attached_ to. Master Plo had come to personally ask her if she felt safe learning under Anakin, promising that it wouldn’t be her fault if she wanted to be reassigned and that there were Masters willing to take her on. At the time, Ahsoka had been able to confidently tell him that she did, that she loved working with her Master, but now?

Now, Ahsoka looks at her Master and sees the children he could murder without even flinching, She sees the Darkness festering in his soul like an injected, untreated wound. She sees his growing anger and aggression, and she finds herself flinching away, unable to unsee the burning eyes from her vision.

Ahsoka is scared of her Master, and she can’t tell anyone why. She can’t talk to Anakin, can’t try to help him or convince him to see a Mind Healer. She can’t share the vision with Master Obi-Wan to get him the help he needs, and she can’t ask the clones what Order 66 is.

Shaking, Ahsoka curls around her legs, choking on a hiccuping sob. She doesn’t know what to do, or how to fix things. The Healers hadn’t found anything wrong with her, couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t able to speak or why there was a solid wall keeping them out of her thoughts. There was no physical proof of something having happened to her, and Ahsoka couldn’t exactly explain that it had been a metaphysical Force being who had decided to lock away her voice to stop her from spilling his secrets, because no one else remembered the events of Mortis. The Healer had concluded that it was psychological in root, that Ahsoka had been traumatized. They had tried to argue against her being sent back into the field, but the Jedi were too thinly spread to spare anyone, and Ahsoka would have never let them take her away from the 501st, especially not when she had an investigation she planned to run.

But now that she’s back on the _Resolute_ , all she can see is halls full of her men as they hunt her down, and her dreams have echoed this. She’d be on a ship on a crash course with a moon, explosions rocking the world around her, but something had changed this time, _someone_ had changed, and it fills her with a feeling of hope.

With quivering hands, Ahsoka reaches for her comm, punching in a frequency she knows off by heart and typing out her message, listening to it ring. _Rex_ \- she needs Rex. He had been in her vision tonight, the only thing that had changed in her dreams since she had first returned from Mortis. He had been standing next to her, looking out over hundreds of graves, a comforting arm around her shoulders as a convor flew overhead, singing a hopeful song of change.

Her comm chimes when Rex replies, and for the first time since Mortis, Ahsoka smiles.

The Father hadn't wanted her to share the possible Dark future she had seen, so he had made sure that she couldn't. But Ahsoka is smart, she's crafty, and she's learned how to wiggle her way around rules, and with Rex on her side, they'd be unstoppable. Rex would help her - they could change the future she had seen. They could work together to find a way around the command the Father had planted in her mind, and they could save everyone.

(The Father was stubborn, but his Daughter is more so, and Ahsoka Tano is her chosen champion.)


End file.
